FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)

Bullying often happens out of sight, away from teachers or other adults. Bullying is a behaviour that happens over and over. The person or people who are bullying tend to target other children they have some power over.

Bullying can include name-calling, teasing, putdowns, being hit, tripped, pinched, being ignored, having rumours spread about you, nasty gestures, threats or being stalked.

If you are being bullied, you need to report it so it can be stopped.

Cyberbullying is bullying that happens through information and communication technologies such as email, MSN, Facebook, websites and mobile phones. Bullying that happens through phones or computers can spread widely really quickly, so it can be even more damaging. But it is bullying and needs to be treated just like other bullying.

For more information, see the BNW Spotlight on cyberbullying

A fight or an argument between students of similar age isn't usually bullying – it is not like bullying because it is not happening over and over, or done to hurt someone who is smaller or younger.

Although it may be negative and scary if it happens, single aggressive or violent incidents are also not usually described as bullying.

Someone teasing you every day could be bullying. If it is joking from your friends or people you trust and know really well, and they don't mean any harm, it's often meant as fun. It may still hurt, but you can tell your friends to stop and they usually will.

Bullying, however, is meant to hurt and it usually keeps on happening. Ask yourself whether the person teasing you is using sarcasm or putdowns. If so, and if you feel hurt or threatened, it's likely to be bullying.

It is bullying when one person has more power than another and uses it to threaten, hurt or upset the other person on a regular basis. The person who is doing the bullying could be bigger or stronger than the other person, or might be better at saying smart or nasty put downs and making fun of others because of they way they look or do things.

Bullying is meant to hurt and it keeps on happening. Ask yourself if the person bothering you is using fear, intimidation, sarcasm or putdowns – this is likely to be bullying.

If you don't know – talk to an adult about it.

People who are bullied may feel a number of negative emotions. These include feeling scared, depressed, sad, lonely, confused, worried, embarrassed, stupid, alone, not wanting to go to school, angry, mad, fed up, tired, not safe or useless.

You have done nothing wrong. Bullies pick on other kids for all sorts of reasons and sometimes for reasons that have nothing to do with you. It happens in all sorts of places, including school, at home, at sports, even at work – unfortunately it is common.

The main motivation for bullying is to see someone else get scared or upset – this shows the person doing the bullying that they have power over them.

It is important if you are being bullied to talk to someone about it.

Bullying is never OK but you sometimes need to try a few things to find something that stops it for you. The best thing to do will depend on the situation and the type of bullying, but it needs to be something that will help to make the situation better in the long term. Unfortunately, 'getting back' at someone or 'ganging up' can just make the situation worse, not better.

One idea is to say clearly and as calmly as you can, 'Stop it. I don't like it' and then walk away. Another idea is to pretend not to be bothered but say something like 'Whatever' or 'Yeah, yeah, I am like that, but who cares?', and try not to show you are upset. The bully is trying to get a response, so not responding is sometimes helpful. Other ideas are to stay with other students or stay where the teachers can see you and the other students.

It is always a good idea to talk to someone else about it – at school talk to a teacher and at home tell your parents.

The best way to avoid cyberbullying happening to you is to protect your personal information (name, personal details, photos, passwords) online. Do not give out your personal contact information unless you know the person well, and report it to adults if you are aware that cyberbullying is happening to others – or to you.

If you are being cyberbullied:

• Tell an adult you trust
• Leave the area or stop the activity on the computer or phone
• KEEP A RECORD – don't delete the evidence of a nasty email or photo. Also record the time and date that you received them. If necessary, take a screen shot or a photo with your mobile phone if the evidence is likely to disappear.
• Once you have taken a record, stop the messages coming by blocking the sender – your phone provider can help you with this
• Advise your internet or phone service provider
• Report to police if the bullying includes serious threats to your safety or life.

Schools have a number of things they do with a student who engages in bullying behaviour. They will let the student's parents know (where appropriate). They will then decide what to do. This may include warnings, detentions, talking about the implications of their behaviour, learning about better ways to relate to other students, counselling on their own or in groups, mediation with other students, and asking the student to apologise or find ways to repair the harm they have caused. Schools may also need to impose more serious consequences. The school will probably not tell you or your parents any details of what they will do with the student who has bullied you, because this is private information, but this does not mean they are not taking it seriously.

Sometimes it can be very difficult to tell someone, and often someone who is bullying you will threaten you with more trouble if you do tell. But unless you do something about the bullying, it may never go away. We need children and adults to work together to stop bullying happening. Adults do need to respond carefully to avoid making things worse.

It is a good idea not to react and to ignore the bullying – this may be why the teachers have said to do this. Try not to respond to the bullying behaviour (even if you really feel bothered). However, if the bullying doesn't stop and you feel worried or threatened, then tell another adult – the principal or your parents. Don't stop speaking up about it until something is done and you feel safe.

If it keeps happening, then keep asking for help! Don't stop asking. Ask different people who might be in a position to help. Read the school's policy to find out whose job this is. This could be your form teacher, the year level coordinator, the counsellor, guidance officer or the deputy principal. These people are trained and experienced to help you sort out the problem or they will know who to ask for help.

It is true that if you hit back, you can get in trouble with the teachers even though the other person started it. Ignoring and walking away without responding is better. Your parents want you to stand up to the other child, but you need to do this without hitting back, and without letting the other child know you are bothered. It is never a good idea to hit back, because this shows you are upset, which is just what the person using bullying behaviour wants to get from you. If you hit back, the bullying can increase and things might become worse for you.

If someone stands by when bullying is happening, but does nothing, they are subtly approving of it. People who watch bullying happen are called bystanders. Although they might not be directly involved, the behaviour of bystanders allows bullying to take place. Bystander behaviour includes:

• watching an argument on the street
• gathering to watch a playground fight
• knowing that someone is being hurt but not intervening or seeking help or reporting
• giving 'silent approval' by not becoming involved.

http://www.bullyingnoway.com.au/talkout/spotlight/bystandermain.shtml

Bystanders can make a big difference by pointing out to the student/s doing the bullying that what they are doing is bullying and it is not fair, and that it is not okay. Bystanders can help to stop bullying more quickly by saying they will not ignore it and that they will tell a teacher. Bystanders can also reassure the person who is bullied that what is happening is unfair and that the other person is doing the wrong thing.

If you are getting into trouble for bullying, ask the teachers what things you do that are a problem, and tell the teachers that everyone does these things. You might need to think about the way you behave with other kids, and how to relate to other kids without directly or indirectly threatening them – perhaps you think it is a joke or that the other kids should get tougher, but if you are hurting and scaring other kids then it is a problem.

Even though bullying may happen in some schools or homes, it is not good or healthy. Bullying can damage health, destroy self-esteem and have other long term effects on everyone involved including those who see bullying happen. Bullying can prevent people from feeling safe, achieving their best or having happy relationships. In surveys, most students say they dislike bullying and want it to stop.

Students can make a positive difference and cut down bullying. Some ideas are:

• Be a leader and tell adults and students you want to take a stand to stop bullying at your school
• Think of ideas of how your school can address bullying such as signing a declaration.
• Ask your school leadership group or student council to address bullying in your school
• Get more ideas for action here

http://www.bullyingnoway.com.au/chillout/make.shtml

http://www.bullyingnoway.com.au/ideasbox/ideas/student-action/

Bullying is repeated verbal, physical, social or psychological behaviour that is harmful and involves the misuse of power by an individual or group towards one or more persons.

Cyberbullying refers to bullying through information and communication technologies. http://www.bullyingnoway.com.au/talkout/spotlight/cyberBullyingIs.shtml

Conflicts or fights between equals and single incidents are not defined as bullying.

You should talk to your child about the role of bystanders and them know their actions can make a difference. A bystander is someone physically nearby or aware of bullying happening, but not directly involved. If we are aware of something happening but do nothing to stop it, we are subtly approving of it. Although your child might not be directly involved, their behaviours can contribute to allowing bullying and harassment to take place.

http://www.bullyingnoway.com.au/talkout/spotlight/bystandermain.shtml

You can talk to your child about keeping safe but thinking about what positive action they could take to discourage bullying, including

• Speak up and let the person doing the bullying know that what they are doing is bullying; tell them to stop it.
• Refuse to just stand by and watch or join in with the bullying.
• Support the student who is being bullied to ask for help.
• Let a teacher or a support person know what is happening.
• Refuse to join in online chats or texting that is spreading rumours and gossip hurtful to others.

http://www.bullyingnoway.com.au/talkout/spotlight/bystander/bystander_students.shtml

Research suggests that a significant number of young people who are bullied, tell no one. A common reaction to being bullied is not to seek help from others, but rather to withdraw and suffer in silence. Children who are bullied are more likely to tell their friends about their experience, followed by mum, then dad, and teachers last of all.

Children may be afraid that telling someone will only make things worse, that it is wrong to dob or whinge, and that they may feel as if it's their fault.

It is not their fault if your child is getting bullied. People bully others for a lot of reasons. It is important to talk to your child and reassure them that it is not their fault. Talking to them about keeping safe and what they can do when they are being bullied is important. (http://www.bullyingnoway.com.au/talkout/spotlight/bystander/bystander_students.shtml)

Bullying of any form or for any reason can have long-term effects on those involved, including the bystanders. Bullying is not normal or healthy, even though it can be common in some environments. Being bullied can prevent people from feeling safe, achieving their best or having happy relationships.

Your child may need to speak with someone other than you or the school. There are many counselling agencies that exist, ask your school counsellor or support staff for local contacts.

Signs that your child may be being bullied include:

• dislike and avoidance of going to school or participating in school activities
• lack of friends
• missing belongings
• torn clothing
• increased fearfulness and anxiety, mood swings, crying
• decline in academic performance
• poorer physical health and changes in sleep habits
• increased negative self-perception

You can find out a lot by taking an interest in what your child does at school. If at all possible try to be available at the end of the school day to talk with your child about their day. Let them know you are interested.

The signs of cyberbullying can be the same as signs of other bullying, also including certain behaviour with phones and computers, for example:

• being hesitant to be online
• seeming nervous when an instant message, text message or email appears
• being visibly upset after using the computer or mobile phone, or suddenly avoiding it
• minimising the computer screen, or hiding the mobile phone when you enter the room
• spending unusually long hours online in a more tense, pensive tone
• receiving suspicious phone calls, emails or packages
• withdrawing from friends, falling behind in schoolwork, or avoiding school
• becoming suddenly sullen, evasive, withdrawn, or showing a marked change in personality or behaviour
• having trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, excessive moodiness or crying, or seeming depressed
• a decline in academic performance.

Stay calm when talking with your child. From the start, help your child to feel safe and supported. Say:

• that you are pleased that they have told you
• that you believe them
• that it is not their fault and you are sorry to hear it has happened
• that you take it seriously because bullying can have serious long-term consequences (i.e. don’t trivialise the bullying; it feels bad)
• that you are there to help them if they wish to talk through and practise ways to respond to bullying, and who might be the most appropriate person to talk to and what to say.

You may want to call the school to check that your child has spoken to someone about the problem.

• Talk with your child about bullying – name the actions as bullying and talk about how they are not okay.
• Show your child how to behave in a respectful way with school staff, students and other parents.
• Teach your child to look after their own safety in person and on line
• Talk to your child about positive action they could take to discourage bullying if they see it happening.
• Offer to practise ways of dealing with bullying with them, so they can develop some skills before they need it.
• Talk to your child about ways to help others who are being bullied.
• Make it clear to your child that it's okay to tell a teacher or other trusted adult if they know that bullying is occurring.
• Talk to your child about their rights and responsibilities in an online environment.
• Approach the school to ask for help if you think your child might be being bullied.

Take it seriously but remain calm about the issue. Children and young people who bully others generally do not know appropriate ways to get on with others. They need to learn how to treat others respectfully so that they don't continue to experience difficulties getting along with others.

• Make it clear to your child that their behaviour is not OK. 'It was all in fun' is not an acceptable excuse; get them to think about whether they would feel like it was fun if someone did it to them.
• Discuss the negative impact on the child who is being bullied. Try to get your child to see it from the other child’s perspective.
• Avoid bullying your child verbally or physically; never resort to physical punishment yourself because violence carries the message that misusing power is okay.
• Arrange consequences that fit with your child's actions – for example, no video games for a week.
• Supervise your child's activities and spend more time with them, and reinforce appropriate behaviours
• Ensure you provide a positive model of relating to others, especially in appropriate ways to settle differences and disagreements.
• Communicate regularly with the school. Find out how you can work with them.

It is tempting to make excuses for our children’s behaviour, but an important role for parents is to prepare children to be part of society. As parents we need to be clear about our own expectations and boundaries about behaviour and ensure that our children are made aware of them.

Provide your child with as much support and advice as you can to help them to focus on ways to deal with the bullying, including practising what to say and do. Encourage them to talk to friends and a trusted staff member.

Offer to talk to a trusted staff member about the problem and ask their advice. Explain that you will not ask staff to punish the students involved but instead to observe the situation and provide advice.

Once you have made contact with the staff member – and if things don't get better – encourage your child to meet with the staff member to develop a plan to improve the situation.

Sometimes you need to keep pushing the issue. Start with your child's teacher, but if necessary speak to other people as needed – the principal, the school counsellor or people outside the school, for example officers from the education department if your child attends a state school. Schools have a responsibility to keep children safe. Ask to be kept informed of what is going on and how things are progressing.

When schools are dealing with the issue, they will not be able to tell you any details of how they are managing the student who has been doing the bullying. This is due to this student's right to privacy.

Parents can be involved in a number of ways:

• Ask the school about their policy and practices for dealing with bullying and harassment.
• Work with the school to ensure that your child is safe, that effective consequences are applied and that monitoring at the school is adequate.
• Ask the school to work with the student doing the bullying to help them change their behaviour and develop more appropriate social skills.
• Ask the school to inform your child about what the school is doing to provide protection and support.
• Advocate for involvement of the other student's parents.
• If the bullying is happening on the way to or from school, arrange for the child to go to school with older supportive children or take your child to school if you can until the problem is resolved.

It is not advisable to approach the parents of the student who is using bullying behaviour as this may make the situation worse. If your child is being bullied talk to your child and the school Principal.

If the bullying is happening outside school and involves students from your child's school or other schools, you should report the incidents to the Principal of your child's school. If an incident involves violence, internet or mobile phone abuse, or demands for money, then you should make a complaint to the police.

Bullying is repeated verbal, physical, social or psychological behaviour that is harmful and involves the misuse of power by an individual or group towards one or more persons.

Cyberbullying refers to bullying through information and communication technologies.

Conflict or fights between equals and single incidents are not defined as bullying.

Discrimination occurs when people are treated less favourably than others because of their race, culture or ethnic origin; religion; physical characteristics; gender; sexual orientation; marital, parenting or economic status; age; ability or disability. Discrimination is often ongoing and commonly involves exclusion or rejection.

Harassment is behaviour that targets an individual or group due to their identity, race, culture or ethnic origin; religion; physical characteristics; gender; sexual orientation; marital, parenting or economic status; age; ability or disability and that offends, humiliates, intimidates or creates a hostile environment. Harassment may be an ongoing pattern of behaviour, or it may be a single act.

Violence is the intentional use of physical force or power, threatened or actual, against another person (s) that results in psychological harm, injury or in some cases death. Violence may involve provoked or unprovoked acts and can be a single incident, a random act or can occur over time

These are a few signs that could indicate that a student is being bullied:

• dislike and avoidance of going to school or participating in school activities
• lack of friends
• missing belongings
• torn clothing
• increased fearfulness and anxiety, mood swings, crying
• decline in academic performance
• poorer physical health and changes in sleep habits
• increased negative self-perception.

In addition, the following are examples of changes in behaviour that teachers may notice:

• A student won't join in group activities.
• A student or group of students acts embarrassed about comments made in class at which another group laughs, but the teacher and other students don't understand.
• The student becomes unusually aggressive or compliant, and doesn't appear to be able to behave assertively.

Yes definitely. Roles in bullying can changes across situations and over time.  A child who is bullied in one situation may bully others in another situation. Depending on the situation, we all have the capacity to bully and harass and many of us will experience being bullied by someone else. Bullying can be unfortunately common, and not just the problem of a few people.

Not all students play a clear role as either the student who is bullying or the student who is being bullied. Students may take on different roles in different circumstances. For example a student who is being bullied in one context, may do the bullying in another or a student who acts as a bystander may intervene and act as a protector if the ring-leader is not around. The different roles include: 

• Ring Leader: students who through their social power can direct bullying activity.
• Associates: students who actively join in the bullying (sometimes because they are afraid of the ring-leader).
• Reinforcers: students who give positive feedback to the student doing the bullying, for example through comments, by smiling or laughing.
• Outsiders/Bystanders:students remain silent or watch and therefore appear to condone the bullying behaviour or who want to keep themselves safe by not drawing attention to themselves out of fear of the bully.
• Defenders: students who try to intervene to stop the bullying or comfort students who experience bullying.

Never ignore bullying. If you witness an incident that you regard as bullying behaviour you must respond. Otherwise, your silence may be interpreted as agreeing with what is happening.

Your school should have written guidelines about the behaviour expectations of students. The guidelines should include specific details of appropriate and inappropriate behaviour; in words that can be used with all students. It will usually include respect as a school value. We need to remind students of this expectation and that in your school community it is highly valued.

Bullying needs an immediate response, which can include:

• teach students how to cooperate and “get on” with others
• work out a behaviour plan or playground plan for some students, to keep everyone safe
• teach students about conflict and bullying (including cyberbullying)
• teach student about using technology safely and appropriately
• run programs that help students become more confident
• run anti-bullying workshops
• have special meetings to work things out with the involved students
• have students complete classroom tasks about bullying in school subjects
• consider disciplinary measures for students who bully others.

Conflict resolution approaches, when carefully taught, modelled and supported at a whole-school community level, are empowering processes that provide students with the means to solve their own problems and learn important lifelong relationship and citizenship skills.
The ways teachers can reduce bullying in the long term are:

• be there as listeners for students
• model and create curriculum experiences that increase care, concern, respect, trust and building bridges between groups (and not just those groups that are familiar to your or your students).
• work together cooperatively on solutions to real problems experienced by your students.
• ensure that all students feel they are treated fairly, their voices are heard and they can influence the running of the school and our society.

Dealing with bullying includes understanding just what is happening and how frequently. There are many school surveys that measure students’ perceptions and experiences of bullying, harassment and violence. To gather really useful information through a survey, ensure you have a shared understanding of what bullying and harassment are, encourage the participation of all groups within the school community and ensure confidentiality. Include questions about safe and dangerous places in the classroom and playground, travelling to and from school, and in different subject areas.

To model a culture of acceptance, you need to address a few levels:

• Provide equal opportunities for all your students. This could mean things like making sure girls and boys get equal time on the computers and extra assistance if they need it.
• Make sure the lesson content takes a variety of perspectives and you and your students decide what to learn together.
• Set the boundaries for what you expect from your students. This includes establishing shared class and playground rules, with fair consequences.
• Sensitively challenge stereotypes when your students raise them
• Never let any form of harassment go on without making a stand, no matter how insignificant it seems or how busy you are. Make sure you and your students have a common understanding of what harassment is and why it happens, as well as what they can do about it.
• Teach skills that give the opportunity for students to take action for themselves

All members of the school staff should have information about the steps to take if an incident of bullying occurs. Ask to be included in any training sessions about the anti-bullying policy. If another staff member is present, work together as your school’s guidelines recommend. If you feel unsure of what to do or unable to deal with the situation on your own, move the threatened students to a safe place. Stay with the students for their protection and call for help.

Evidence has shown that the incidence of bullying begins to decline when schools take a proactive approach to creating a supportive and safe school environment. Schools can:

• develop whole school policies that meet the expectations of their school community and school sector
• promote a positive school culture where bullying is not tolerated and cannot flourish
• develop school practice based on knowledge and evidence of what works
• ensure all school community members know how to respond to reports of bullying
• regularly review their actions to address bullying
• use teaching and learning opportunities to address bullying
• ensure supports are in place to prevent and respond to bullying
• address environmental issues and promote safe play and learning areas; and ensure teachers are constantly vigilant in their supervision of students
• participate in relevant professional development, and be clear about their roles and responsibilities in preventing and responding to bullying
• gather useful information about the effectiveness of the actions to address bullying, and use these data for monitoring and evaluation
• work in partnership with parents/carers, other schools and community partners to promote safe communities.

A great thing to do is to critically analyse forms of popular culture, like music and music videos, TV, movies, magazines and advertising to understand issues of the world as students see them. Work with them to understand how fashions and fads are influenced by these factors. Help them to be active and critical people, not passive consumers who can be manipulated by the latest trend.  Once fads are understood for what they are, they become less important, and those who don’t follow them will no longer be seen as people to put down.

First build up the student’s trust and take time to develop a rapport and listen to their issues. Next, suggest ways to avoid certain situations, and talk about strategies the student can try without directly confronting the students doing the bullying, like agreeing with them as though the student is not bothered, then walking away. Link them with friends who will provide personal support.

Indicate to the student that you will observe what is going on and may ask a member of the welfare/student services team to assist.

Once you are clearer about the dynamics, offer to intervene and/or use conflict resolution processes rather than punitive approaches to change the behaviours of students involved in the bullying if appropriate.

If the bullying continues, you may need to seek advice yourself and consider a few different responses.

It is a must to work with the parents. Continually promote the school as being joint partners with parents in the students' education. When schools and families work together, the outcomes for students are usually better. When new families enrol, present the school's behaviour policy to parents and discuss bullying and harassment so that you have a shared understanding of these behaviours and all are aware of the school's anti-bullying program and procedures. Outline what will be done to prevent these behaviours, and what will happen if they occur.