FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)

Bullying and harassment might be physical (being hit, tripped, pinched), verbal (name-calling, teasing, putdowns), psychological (gestures, threats, being stalked), social (being ignored or having rumours spread about you) or sexual (physical, verbal or nonverbal sexual conduct). Bullying and harassment often happens out of sight, away from teachers or other adults.

Bullying and harassment are things that can happen over and over. Often the person or people doing it will have more power than you, even though they mightn't be bigger or stronger or older. This is a misuse of power because they are taking away your right to feel safe and be treated fairly.

People who are bullied often feel scared, depressed, sad, lonely, confused, worried, embarrassed, stupid, alone, not wanting to go to school, angry, mad, fed up, tired, not safe or useless.

How would you like to feel like that every day? That's why everyone needs to address this problem as effectively as possible.

Yes, that is bullying. It's also racist behaviour. Everyone has a right to feel safe at school and to be treated with respect.

You can often tell from the tone and how you feel about it. If it is joking from your friends or people you trust and know really well, and they have your best interests at heart, it's often meant as fun. But it can still hurt.

If you are doing what you call teasing, you can't really know exactly how people feel about things, so you should be careful what you say and how you say it.

Bullying, however, is meant to hurt and it usually keeps on happening. Ask yourself whether anyone is using fear, intimidation, sarcasm or putdowns. If so, and if anyone feels threatened, it's likely to be bullying.

Bullying and harassment are not normal or good or healthy. These behaviours can damage health. They can prevent people from feeling safe, achieving their best or having happy relationships. In surveys, most students say they dislike bullying and harassment and want them to stop.

Ganging up can be verbal and emotional bullying because it's a misuse of power. This is unfair on the person who's being picked on or excluded – and it can hurt everyone because other people may trust us less. A good way to tell whether it is fair behaviour is to think about how you would feel if it was happening to you.

Maybe not. Bullying and harassment occur only when one person has more power than another and misuses it, perhaps linked to a sharper tongue or a better command of the language. We would like to recognise bullying behaviour at a glance. Sometimes we can't.

It's not happening only to you. Bullying and harassment and discrimination happen to many people.

People may bully or harass others because they see them as different: their size, race, gender or what they wear. It could be because they want to belong to a particular group. It could be fear or jealousy or distrust. It could be lack of knowledge or misunderstanding. It could be that the person who is bullying is being bullied or harassed by others. A person who is bullying may want to show they have more power than anyone else.

A lot of people don't realise that boys and girls can be friends, and don't have to be going out. They have very stereotyped ideas about relationships between males and females. Sometimes even parents tease about boyfriends and girlfriends if they see their young children playing or talking with the other sex. The more boys and girls who show that you can be friends with someone because you get on with them and it doesn't matter about sex, race or anything else, the better.

Learning about power in life and relationships can help students to understand bullying, harassment and many other global issues. For example, by analysing the marketing of brand labels, students learn how they don't have to wear just one brand label to have friends, and that we can all influence our own and global decisions.

The best strategy will depend on the situation, but it needs to be something that will help to make the situation better in the long term. Unfortunately, 'getting back' at someone or 'ganging up' tends to make the situation worse, not better.

A quick response is to clearly say, 'Stop it. I don't like it.' Then talk to a teacher.

No! Bullying or harassment is never OK. Everyone has a right to feel safe, confident and respected. This includes being able to talk openly about the problem, to feel believed and listened to and to have trust in how parents and teachers will handle the situation.

Unless you do something about it, it may never go away. We need to work together to stop bullying, harassment and violence happening. Often it seems that it can't get any worse, so it's better to do something to improve the situation. When teachers use a problem-solving or shared concern approach, the situation nearly always improves.

If you feel threatened, then tell another adult – the principal or your carer. Don't stop speaking up about it until something is done and you feel safe.

Keep asking for help! Don't stop asking. Ask different people who might be in a position to help. Read the school's policy to find out whose job this is. This could be your teacher, your form teacher, the year level coordinator, the bullying referral officer, the harassment referral officer, the counsellor or guidance officer or the deputy principal. These people are trained and experienced to help you sort out the problem or they will know who to ask for help.

Name calling is sometimes silly and can hurt your feelings. If you don't feel OK about it tell the person who is doing the name calling. A quick response is to clearly say, 'Stop it. I don't like it.' If it continues, tell the teacher on duty or your own class teacher.

Bullying and harassment often happen when adults are not around, and it can take a while to stop. Tell your parents and teachers again. You have a right to be safe at school and to have the bullying stopped. Your parents and teachers need to know so that they can help.

If you hit back at school, the bullying can increase and things can become worse for you. Hitting back is not teaching that there are better ways to solve problems and handle feelings.

Generally conflict resolution approaches work pretty well in schools that teach and help students use these strategies. There are times, though, when it doesn't work because people haven't wanted it to work, or because the problem is very serious or there is a big imbalance of power. Peer mediation is one method that's most useful for older students. It needs cooperation, which is one of the ground rules. If the people involved don't want to cooperate, and they don't want a fair solution, you need to ask an adult for help.

Talk to a teacher, the school counsellor, a member of the peer support team or your parents. No one can help you if they don't know what is going on. Until the situation changes, try to stay in a group and not be by yourself.

This is harassment and homophobic behaviour. This type of behaviour should be reported to the school harassment officer or counsellor so that it won't happen to other students. If you can, lobby for better understanding of difference at school so that everyone is allowed to be themselves.

Don't try to wrestle it back from them, and don't make any tough demands. Tell them it is your ball and you want it back. If that doesn't work, see your teacher or the duty teacher and ask them to help.

It is not OK for others to swear at you and threaten you. Your family can report the incident to police. If the threats are serious, you can apply to the court to restrict the father having anything to do with your family.

Because the incident is related to what's been happening at school, tell the school so they can also help to stop the hassling.

Everyone has the right to feel safe at school. If there is no reason why you can't be in this area, then you can tell the students that you are allowed to be there. You can also tell your class teacher or another staff member. When you go home you can talk about what has happened with your parents.

Look for signs such as:

• fear of going to school
• lack of friends
• missing belongings
• torn clothing
• increased fearfulness and anxiety.

You can find out a lot by taking an interest in what your child does at school. Talk about their day. Let them know you are interested by asking questions about what was good at school today, what could have been better? Don't accept 'Aww nothing'.

Students may not know whom to ask, or they may think they will be bullied even more if they tell a teacher, or they may not trust that adults will believe them or be able to help.

As students reach their teenage years, they are more likely to turn to their peers to help them resolve problems without adult help. This can be a good sign, so long as the student feels safe and there is not a big imbalance in power.

Many schools teach conflict resolution strategies. Some of these schools include peer mediation in the training program. This involves a group of respected students who can assist in resolving many kinds of peer conflict. By using this approach, students can learn valuable life skills, and the conflict can be resolved so that it often doesn't happen again.

Power is a part of all forms of bullying, harassment and discrimination. Helping our children understand the role of power, and the different uses of power in relationships and organisations, will assist them to develop better relationships in the rest of their lives. This will benefit them and others now and later.

Students are often picked on because they seem to be different. The underlying factors are often distrust, fear, misunderstanding or jealousy of others. Schools are teaching the values of caring and respect for difference so that everyone is treated more fairly, and our children can have healthy, positive and successful relationships now and in their adult lives.

Homophobic harassment and attitudes can upset and affect the whole school community including gay and lesbian students and staff, students of gay and lesbian parents and many other students and school staff. Schools need to respond to homophobic harassment the same way they deal with any other forms of harassment. That is, to ensure that issues of homophobia are being addressed through policy and curriculum.

Approach the issue sensitively. Often children do not like admitting they are being bullied and will be reluctant to talk about it. Instead they will hint or allude to a problem like bullying. For example, they may say that they dislike someone without giving specifics.

Avoid asking 'why' questions. This is intrusive and off-putting. Avoid rebuking your child for their anger or negative language. Come back to it later, gently. Then ask what it is that the other people have done that makes your child feel the way they do. Listen, then ask what sorts of things they've tried and only then offer to work through some strategies.

Let your child know:

• that you are pleased that they have told you
• that you believe them
• that it is not their fault and you are sorry it has happened
  Don't trivialise it. Take it seriously because bullying and harassment can have serious long-term consequences.

Do encourage your student to contact the most appropriate person at the school.

If it is happening in a class then they need to tell that teacher or the head of the department.

If it is happening in the playground then they need to tell the form teacher, counsellor or guidance officer, or the anti-bullying or anti-harassment officer (peer or staff)

You may want to call the school to check that your child has spoken to someone about the problem.

• Ask the school about their policy and practice on bullying and harassment.
• Work with the school to ensure that your child is safe, that effective consequences are applied and that monitoring at the school is adequate.
• Ask the school to work with the student doing the bullying to help them change their behaviour and develop more appropriate social skills.
• Ask the school to inform your child what they are doing to provide protection and support.
• Advocate for involvement of the other student's parents.
• If the bullying is happening on the way to and from school arrange for the child to go to school with older supportive children or take, your child to school if you can until the problem is resolved.

Provide them with as much support and advice as you can to help them to work with solutions. Encourage them to talk to friends and a trusted staff member.
Stay calm with your child. Offer to talk to a trusted staff member about the problem and ask their advice. Explain that you will not ask staff to punish the students involved but instead to observe the situation and provide advice.

Once contact has been established with the staff member – and if things don't get better – encourage your child to meet with the staff member to develop a response that will improve the situation.

Sometimes you need to keep pushing the issue. Speak to as many people as possible – your child's teacher, the principal, the counsellor or guidance officer. Schools have a responsibility to keep children safe. Ask to be kept informed of what is going on and how things are progressing.

Contact the school that the students come from and report the incident so that the school is able to take the next steps to deal with the behaviours. Then call and make an appointment with your child's school counsellor or guidance officer who will be able to work out a plan to support your child.

Get in and be proactive! The important thing is to work with the school in a way that enables you as a parent to be part of that team. It is not just the school problem. The bottom line is that this is your child and it is in your best interest to work with the school.

Take it seriously. Children and young people who bully others often get into serious trouble later in life. They may have continued trouble in their relationships with others.

• Make it clear to your child that this kind of behaviour is not OK. 'It was all in fun' is not an acceptable excuse.
• Discuss the negative impact on the child who is being bullied. Try to get your child to see it from their perspective.
• Arrange nonviolent consequences that fit with your child's actions – for example, no video games for a week. Never resort to physical punishment yourself because violence carries the inappropriate message that 'might is right'.
• Supervise your child's activities and spend more time with them.
• Exposure to violence in television shows and cartoons, electronic games on computer and video, or among the family members can increase violent and aggressive behaviours. Limit exposure to violence. Model and reinforce appropriate behaviours.
• Communicate regularly with the school. Find out how you can work with them.

It is easy to make excuses for our children but they are part of society and society has expectations that don't change for them. As parents we need to be clear about our own expectations and boundaries and ensure that our children are made aware of them.

Give lots of hugs. Take the time to talk. Let them know they are an OK person. The more a child sees positive examples of communication and experiences love, the more they feel they can cope and use appropriate behaviours.

Schools are great places to foster a better understanding of diversity. Parents and members of the community play an important role in sharing stories of their own cultural group so that the school community may develop trust and build bridges across groups.

There are a few signs:

• fear of going to school
• lack of friends
• missing belongings
• torn clothing
• increased fearfulness and anxiety.

In addition, look for changes in behaviour.

• Bullied students won't join in group activities.
• A student or group of students acts embarrassed about comments made in class at which another group laughs, but the teacher and other students don't understand.
• Their standard of work declines.
• The student becomes unusually aggressive, and doesn't appear to be able to behave assertively.

Ask yourself some questions. Is this just good enjoyable fun for both parties involved? Or is it fun for one side, but meant to hurt the other?
Teasing is playful behaviour, often directed at a family member or close friend, and where there is ongoing care and love. Teasing is not meant to hurt. For example, teasing could involve nicknames or funny faces that are used in a way that's great fun for both people. But if the behaviour is designed to hurt or one person feels very uncomfortable, it's more likely to be bullying or harassment, and this is not OK. OK?

Yes. Depending on the situation, we all have the capacity to bully and harass and, through our lives, most of us will experience being victimised by someone else. The issues are much more than just the 'problem' of a few people.

A good way to know whether others see any of your practices as bullying is to receive open and honest feedback from students, parents and other staff members. To do this, you need to provide the space and the place for these discussions to take place. Being reflective in your practice is also really important. For example, ask yourself whether you are using fear, intimidation, sarcasm or putdowns in your dealings with others.

When bullying incidents occur, they are a signal that students are not able to sort things out on their own. Everyone has the right to feel safe at school, and bullying can have long-term negative effects on students' self-concept and relationships.

By the time children reach school age they have well-established beliefs and behaviours. Some of these behaviours, particularly those that reflect gender stereotypes, promote power imbalances that lead to bullying, violence and harassment. Children of all ages, including young children, need to be taught skills and experiences that enable them to recognise these social practices and to develop strategies for conflict resolution and to sustain nonviolent relationships.

Formal rules – especially rules that are developed by everyone who is affected by them – are important, but so is learning about positive social connectedness within and across groups. As teachers, we have a lot of power to help or hinder this quest. Using punishment responses all the time can be enough to damage the belief in positive relationships. To increase social connectedness, we need to reduce fear and suspicion, to constantly affirm the right to hold different views, to provide opportunities for nonviolent dissent and to demonstrate and encourage relationships based on trust, respect, fairness and care for others.

Keep in mind that although students with intellectual disabilities might understand our words, abstract concepts are much more difficult for them to comprehend, and so simple directions can be misunderstood. By having a 'script', you can eliminate much personal variation. This variation might make life interesting for most of us, but for young people with intellectual impairments it can confuse communication.

Never ignore bullying. If you witness an incident that you regard as bullying behaviour you must respond. Otherwise, your silence is seen as collusion in what is happening.

Each school has a student code of conduct that states the school rules. It will usually include respect as an important value. We need to remind students of this expectation and that as a community we value it highly.

You need to address this on a few levels.

• Provide equal opportunities for all your students. This could mean things like making sure girls and boys get equal time on the computers and extra assistance if they need it.
• Make sure the lesson content takes a variety of perspectives and you and your students decide what to learn together.
• Set the boundaries for what you expect from your students. This includes establishing shared class and playground rules, with fair consequences.
• Never let any form of harassment go on without making a stand, no matter how insignificant it seems or how busy you are. Make sure you and your students have a common understanding of what harassment is and why it happens, as well as what they can do about it.
• Teach skills that give the opportunity for students to take action for themselves.

A great thing to do with students is to critically analyse forms of popular culture, like music and music videos, TV, movies, magazines and advertising to understand issues of the world as students see them. Work with them to understand how fashions and fads are influenced by these factors. Help them to be active and critical people, not passive consumers who can be manipulated by the latest trend.

A good strategy is to teach students how to sensitively let other students know that you don't want them as part of your group and how to handle rejection from one group. Everyone would benefit from assistance with decoding interpersonal messages and understanding the role of power in relationships.

If a teacher is present, seek direction. If not, begin moving the threatened students to a safe place. Stay with the students for their protection and call for help.

Engage as many students as possible in activities. Always use the language being used by all teachers about personal space, hands to self, and so on. Be alert and vigilant at all times. Especially monitor students with individual behaviour plans, or who are often victimised. Work on your personal relationships with each student in the school. Avoid distractions such as eating, drinking, conversations or mobile phone conversations.

Conflict resolution approaches can teach young people to become effective problem solvers. Students learn to practise these important life skills at school and to appreciate others' feelings and points of view. Finally, fewer problems tend to re-emerge later.

Given support and skills, students are often the best people to resolve conflict – as long as:

• Power is equally shared in the relationship.
• Fear is not an element.
• Both parties are safe.
• Both parties want to reach an agreement.
• The school actively supports and models effective conflict resolution approaches.

Note: When the problem does not meet these criteria, students need to be able to refer difficult conflicts to the appropriate staff member within the school.

Your first consideration must be the student's welfare. If you have grounds to suspect that the student is being abused at home, you need to take that issue to your principal for probable reporting to an appropriate agency. Also, it would seem advisable to set up a slightly formal mechanism for the student to report any ongoing abuse within the family or at school (such as sessions with a counsellor/guidance officer or another trusted team member). Working with your school team and the student, organise a personalised behaviour support plan for the student to minimise aggression and defiance while taking account of home issues.

It is important to teach assertiveness to those students who need to speak up and be heard. During interaction with students from other schools, give the student responsibilities that keep them in close proximity to staff at all times. By increasing their responsibility and using positive language you may improve their self-esteem without giving the appearance of them being guarded or protected.

Many students and adults in our schools and communities are already the victims of homophobic bullying, harassment and violence. These issues affect all students. Not doing anything communicates to others that we condone the violence and that it is acceptable to harass and exclude some people. This also encourages abusive relationships in later life.

Homophobic attitudes are learned and therefore can be unlearned. Some students may initially be uncomfortable discussing sexuality and sexist behaviours, but it is essential to break the silence around this subject. Schools can provide students with the knowledge, skills and support to recognise, challenge and change injustice in ways that will reduce levels of abuse and violence within the school community.

This is a shared responsibility between carers and schools. Ensure that any action taken matches with the supportive school environment or anti-bullying/anti-discrimination plan. You may wish to arrange a time to get in touch with the other bullying student's parents and together sort out a strategy.

First build up their trust and develop a rapport and listen to their issues. Next suggest ways to avoid certain situations. Link them with friends who will provide personal support.

Indicate that you will observe what is going on and maybe ask a member of the welfare/student services team to assist.

Once you are clearer about the dynamics, offer to intervene if appropriate and/or use the method of shared concern rather than punitive approaches to change the behaviours of students involved in the bullying.

In most cases, the bullying will stop. If it does not, you may need to analyse the issues and consider a few different responses.

Conflict resolution approaches – when carefully taught, modelled and supported at a whole-school community level – are empowering processes that provide students with the means to solve their own problems and learn important lifelong relationship and citizenship skills.

One of these approaches, peer mediation, provides students with their own forum for resolving conflicts that does not generally require staff to intervene. It utilises a 'no blame' approach to bullying and improves a school's safe and supportive climate. It also provides an excellent opportunity for leadership while teaching students a range of life skills for conflict resolution and later relationships.

It is a must to work with the school community. Continually promote the school as being joint partners with carers in the students' education. When the school and family work together, the outcomes for their child will be far better.

When new families enrol, discuss bullying and harassment so that you have a common understanding of these behaviours and all are aware of the school's anti-bullying program. Outline what each person can do to prevent these behaviours, and what will be done if they occur.

All staff face this challenge but you know you need to find a balance between dealing with the day-to-day individual incidents and a whole-school response to bullying and harassment. Evidence has shown that incidences of bullying and harassment will begin to decline when schools take on a proactive approach to creating a supportive and safe school environment. Often this is a long-term sustained approach rather than one which 'band-aids' the issue for a short while.

Students need to start relying on each other more, to be there for their friends and to recognise how important relationships are within their own age group. This is not to say, however, that adult guidance is not needed.

Some of the best and easiest ways to achieve this are to:

• Be there as listeners.
• Model and create curriculum experiences that increase care, concern, respect, trust and bridge building between groups (and not just those groups that are familiar to us or our students).
• Work together cooperatively on solutions to real problems experienced by our students.
• Ensure that all students feel they are treated fairly, their voices are heard and they can influence the running of the school and our society.

There are many surveys that measure perceptions and experiences of bullying, harassment and violence. For really useful information, work from a shared understanding of what bullying and harassment consist of, encourage the participation of all groups within the school community and ensure confidentiality. Include questions about safe and dangerous places in the classroom and playground, travelling to and from school, and in different subject areas.

Eva Cox, the social analyst, has been working on ways to measure the social and civic wellbeing of our organisations and groups. These measures, adapted slightly, may be highly relevant for school communities interested in supporting long-term positive change. The measures can be found on this website in 'Where to now?' They can suggest ways to indicate where changes are likely to be needed – and whether the changes made are likely to be 'culture-changing'.