What can we do about bullying, harassment, discrimination and violence?
Carers
Q. My child has come home in tears. I'm sure s/he's being bullied. What can I do?
A. Approach the issue sensitively. Often children do not like admitting they are being bullied and will be reluctant to talk about it. Instead they will hint or allude to a problem like bullying. For example, they may say that they dislike someone without giving specifics.
Avoid asking 'why' questions. This is intrusive and off-putting. Avoid rebuking your child for their anger or negative language. Come back to it later, gently. Then ask what it is that the other people have done that makes your child feel the way they do. Listen, then ask what sorts of things they've tried and only then offer to work through some strategies.
Q. What can I do as a parent if I discover that my child is being bullied?
A. Let your child know:
- that you are pleased that they have told you
- that you believe them
- that it is not their fault and you are sorry it has happened
Don't trivialise it. Take it seriously because bullying and harassment can have serious long-term consequences.
Do encourage your student to contact the most appropriate person at the school.
If it is happening in a class then they need to tell that teacher or the head
of the department.
If it is happening in the playground then they need to tell the form teacher,
counsellor or guidance officer, or the anti-bullying or anti-harassment officer
(peer or staff)
You may want to call the school to check that your child has spoken to someone
about the problem.
Q. If my child is being bullied, what should I expect the school to do about
it?
A.
- Ask the school about their policy and practice on bullying and harassment.
- Work with the school to ensure that your child is safe, that effective
consequences are applied and that monitoring at the school is adequate.
- Ask the school to work with the student doing the bullying to help them
change their behaviour and develop more appropriate social skills.
- Ask the school to inform your child what they are doing to provide protection
and support.
- Advocate for involvement of the other student's parents.
- If the bullying is happening on the way to and from school arrange for the child to go to school with older supportive children or take, your child to school if you can until the problem is resolved.
Q. What if my child does not want me to talk to staff because they say that things will get worse?
A. Provide them with as much support and advice as you can to help them to work with solutions. Encourage them to talk to friends and a trusted staff member.
Stay calm with your child. Offer to talk to a trusted staff member about the problem and ask their advice. Explain that you will not ask staff to punish the students involved but instead to observe the situation and provide advice.
Once contact has been established with the staff member – and if things don't get better – encourage your child to meet with the staff member to develop a response that will improve the situation.
Q. What happens if the school is unwilling to work with me?
A. Sometimes you need to keep pushing the issue. Speak to as many people as possible – your child's teacher, the principal, the counsellor or guidance officer. Schools have a responsibility to keep children safe. Ask to be kept informed of what is going on and how things are progressing.
Q. My child with autism was harassed by students from another school in the
change rooms during a school swimming program. My child is now too traumatised
to go into public toilets. What can the school do?
A. Contact the school that the students come from and report the incident so that the school is able to take the next steps to deal with the behaviours. Then call and make an appointment with your child's school counsellor or guidance officer who will be able to work out a plan to support your child.
Q. I think that my child might be behaving aggressively towards other students
at school. What advice can you give me?
A. Get in and be proactive! The important thing is to work with the school in a way that enables you as a parent to be part of that team. It is not just the school problem. The bottom line is that this is your child and it is in your best interest to work with the school.
Q. What do I do if my child shows bullying behaviour?
A. Take it seriously. Children and young people who bully others often get into serious trouble later in life. They may have continued trouble in their relationships with others.
- Make it clear to your child that this kind of behaviour is not OK. 'It
was all in fun' is not an acceptable excuse.
- Discuss the negative impact on the child who is being bullied. Try to
get your child to see it from their perspective.
- Arrange nonviolent consequences that fit with your child's actions –
for example, no video games for a week. Never resort to physical punishment
yourself because violence carries the inappropriate message that 'might
is right'.
- Supervise your child's activities and spend more time with them.
- Exposure to violence in television shows and cartoons, electronic games
on computer and video, or among the family members can increase violent
and aggressive behaviours. Limit exposure to violence. Model and reinforce
appropriate behaviours.
- Communicate regularly with the school. Find out how you can work with them.
Q. How can I support my bullying child without making excuses for them?
A. It is easy to make excuses for our children but they are part of society and society has expectations that don't change for them. As parents we need to be clear about our own expectations and boundaries and ensure that our children are made aware of them.
Q. What can we do at home to help our child, whether the problem is bullying
or being bullied?
A. Give lots of hugs. Take the time to talk. Let them know they are an OK person. The more a child sees positive examples of communication and experiences love, the more they feel they can cope and use appropriate behaviours.
Q. How can schools change long standing societal racist attitudes?
A. Schools are great places to foster a better understanding of diversity. Parents and members of the community play an important role in sharing stories of their own cultural group so that the school community may develop trust and build bridges across groups.
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